Happiness, Goodness, and other kinds of 'nesses

We have a beat up slip of paper on our fridge that reads, "Today I Choose to be Happy". It first appeared on my husband's mirror in the apartment he was living in when we started dating, over eight years ago. The words specifically are from a book, he told me which one and I want to say Gift of the Magi but it WAS over eight years ago and I have trouble remembering if I put on deodorant in the morning. Even now. Maybe I should put it on just in case. Or I could sniff my underarms like a teenage boy. I'm sure that won't weird anyone out.

Anyways, this slip of paper and the idea behind it has traveled to all of the places we've lived together. The whole idea being that happiness is a choice, and every day, in fact every moment, we can make that choice. Simple enough right? But it can be hard, really hard. It's easy to be happy when the sky is full of sunlight, when you have a few extra bucks for a coffee or gas to see a friend, when your child is beaming and giggling and reminding you he is just too cute to get upset at for his mischief. Then there are the days you're covered in two different kinds of poop (Neither of which is thankfully(?) your own), you haven't had time to brush your hair let alone put on pants, your bills are due early but the pay is coming late and there's a slurry falling from the sky trapping you inside while your sweet little angel is using apple sauce to paint his highchair (and himself) while he screams "I'm Tired and I Want to Go Outside Despite The Fact It's Blizzard" aria #2. Those are the days even Buddha must be like; "It's okay lady, I think it's completely acceptable to eat an entire sack of chocolates and cry in a corner while your child rots their brain in front of the TV. Good for you for not drinking before 10 A.M.!"

But the truth is you need that little mantra. Once you've had your cry, you have to get up, change out of your poop/chocolate covered clothes, take a deep breath and say "I am going to choose to be happy now." You have to, because if someone else says it to you, you're going to have to fill out a police report. You have to take charge of your own happiness, because no one can give it to you or force it upon you. You have to make the choice to, as Daniel Tiger says, "When something seems bad, turn it around and find something good!" True, you may be stink between the poop fiasco and forgetting your deodorant, but the shower you'll get once he's asleep will feel like heaven. 

It's a small thing, but it IS something positive. And I know, here is the depressed lady telling you about happiness, but as someone who has struggled with her own on and off in a dramatic way, I CAN tell you what has helped me. I can tell you how much more I have treasured my happiness for all the stress in my life. It helps me not take my, at the end of the day, amazing life for granted. I love the sunshine because of the rain, so to speak.

Happiness in the midst of chaos takes faith. For some people that means religion, for me it's a little different. My faith exists in the world, more specifically in people. I made a choice when I entered high school- I could either hate the people who hurt me, who tried so hard to pull me to pieces, or I could put more love out into the world instead. I chose love. When I got older, I made an observation, that the people who were the nastiest to me usually had reasons that had nothing to do with me. I was just an outlet, one they were sure wouldn't push back. So I began to develop my faith that all people are good, but they can act cruel and violent when they feel threatened in some way, regardless if that threat is real or perceived. It's not always an easy point of view, especially when driving in Massachusetts. Certainly it also doesn't mean that I must LIKE everyone I meet, but it does mean I can try to accept them for who they are; "Sure she's a drama queen who is making my life difficult at this moment, but she's got a life beyond this moment and I am sure she too stares daggers at the 'skinny' jeans stashed at the bottom of her pants drawer."

Because the world has enough ill-informed info graphics and angry old ladies with shopping carts, I might as well add a tick under the 'good' column in someone else day, and in turn it might make their choice to be happy a little bit easier, which may in turn help someone else and so on. As for me? I am at least making an effort to take charge of my view of the world, and while there will be days where I comment on the likeness between the gentleman on the cable customer service line to that of a bottom feeding sea slug, I can take a deep breath and remind myself ;

 We're in this together, and I might as well choose to be happy.