Wet, in Pain and STILL Hysterical

Points if you get the title reference.

When I was a kid my folks would pull a tube behind our boat in the summer. My brother loved it, and my dad would turn on the speed and he'd sail along the water gleefully and come away red in the face from sea water and wind and unadulterated joy that only a child in perceived peril can feel.

I preferred the front of the boat personally, wind in my hair and the roar of the engine myself. But when I tried to think of what it has felt like the last two years for us, that tow line seemed like a good analogy.

At first it's really exciting, your racing along, high off the ride,and while the water is cold and the wind bracing it just adds to the thrill. You could go all day right? Just towing along. But you can only go so long until your arms get tired, before the chill of the ocean sinks into your skin, before you start longing for a breath of air that isn't forced through your nose and full of salt water. Maybe the boat slows every once in a while, lets you get a brief break, rest, breath deeply while you can, and get your hopes up that you can get back in the boat and on solid ground. But then it takes off again, and you get so tired and sore and desperate for air you start contemplating letting go, even though you know it will put you in more trouble than hanging on did.

That's how it feels like to be under waves of stress like my family has been. Pay off the hospital bill, get a dental bill for nearly as much. Get settled in a new place only to find out you have to move in less than a year. Finally set down your roots and the car breaks down, the chimney needs repair, the dishwasher needs to be replace and lose your health insurance because you are 'not poor enough'.

What kind of statement is that? Not poor ENOUGH? Truth is, I don't think of us as poor. Honestly, we're very blessed, a roof over our heads, food on the table, no lacking in modern entertainment. But the pressure of every day living has grown, cost of heating the house, of healthy, fresh food, medical expenses, trash removal- it just adds up. I am serious, we have just lost our health insurance NOT because we started making more, but because the National Poverty Line dropped. Meaning, that the poorest got poorer, so they changed their standard for what makes a family economically needy despite the fact that actual economical need did NOT change. But it's cool, we don't need health insurance reform, right?

So I feel like my boat has slowed just a bit and pulled back up to full throttle, leaving me once again gasping for breath and feeling like I can't hold on much longer. Losing our health insurance (and thank GOD they are still covering my son, because Perfect Mommy does not need that tidbit in her arsenal of guilt) means losing my ability to go to my counselor, or the nutritionist or really anything I was doing to take care of myself.

We've signed up for my husband's insurance policy through work, which sadly may be up to $500 MORE than what we were previously paying and I guarantee not as good a plan. We have been told if we can send proof of cost to the state, that they may deem it is not economically doable for us, and reinstate our coverage, or pay part of it in assistance. This is good, but does not make up for the ludicrous state of things now.Welcome to the world of the lower middle class, to poor to make it on our own, not poor enough to get the help that could put us on solid ground. We're good, hard working people. We pay taxes, we're kind to others, we're educated and not wasteful with our money. But, we'll keep our fingers crossed because letting go is not an option.

But man... I just want my seat at the front of the boat and out of the water.